May 13, 2018

Mother's Day

I thought I was prepared for this. I have been taking care of babies my whole life. My first niece was born when I was 7 and lived with us, then along came 5 more. I was a babysitter and a nanny throughout high school and college. I worked after school programs and summer camps and preschools. My degree is in early childhood education and development. I have worked with every age of child. I know all the things I need to know and we were ready.


There is this weird thing that happens when you become a Mom, and you only fully understand it when the time comes. You can be as prepared as possible, but what you aren't prepared for is what happens to your heart. 

There are no ways to put it into words how swollen and giant your heart is for this little, tiny thing. Nothing explains how much love you have to give and the emotions that run through you at any given moment. I watch her and I'm so intensely in awe of everything she does and is, and she isn't even one yet. I can't even grasp what will keep happening to my heart as she grows.

Celebrating my first Mother's Day with Larson is such a special one for me. I've always said I am on this earth to be a mom, and I still will continue saying that. Becoming a Mom has fulfilled all things I didn't know I needed. This girl is our whole world and she amazes me every day. 

The Mom life isn't an easy one. Not only going through the glamorous life that is pregnancy, but then dealing with all that is post-partum is definitely a struggle. It hasn't been easy. But when "they" say it will be worth it when you see your baby, "they" are 100% correct.

My hair is still falling out, my body will never be back to normal, my skin hasn't gone back to normal and I don't know if it ever will, there are new bags under my eyes, among hundreds of other things. But this girl...she makes it all okay.

I have such an immense amount of love for this daughter of mine. There is constantly a giant lump in my throat over her learning and exploring the world. It pains me to think about her growing even one more day older, but then she learns something new and that pain grows bigger with excitement over her.

I am lucky to have the most amazing mothers all around me. My own Mom is actual super woman. She is always prepared, and when she wasn't she makes you think she is. You would've never known if she forgot something or did something wrong. I watched her my whole life make something out of nothing and create a solution even if there wasn't a solution to be made. She raised 4 kids (and we were NOT the easiest) and now we are all parents of our own little ones. Adam's mom raised three boys and that in itself is an insane accomplishment. Just her ability to create enough food for three growing boys, two years apart, and all in sports at the same time amazes me. She is insanely patient and raised my man to be the same way. My three childhood friends had moms who helped shape me into the woman I am today and played a giant part in the life lessons I learned. These women were rockstars in my eyes and I love each of them as my own. My sisters and sister-in-law help me through motherhood challenges daily and I'm forever grateful for the moms they are to not only help me through this journey, but to raise my wonderful nieces and nephews. 

It seems as if everyone around me is pregnant with their first babies, and I wish I could prepare them for what is about to happen to their hearts. You can think you are ready and fully prepared, but you never will be. I'm still not prepared for what is to come.

Oh also, you're always late. No matter what. So prepare yourself for that.

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